Jodhpurs? Trot on...

Summer '96. A sweltering hot day, the perfect setting for a friends 8th horse riding birthday party. Being a slightly fuller figured child (read fat) and by no means petite, horse riding was never going to be my forte. I was nervous as I had never been riding before but nothing prepared me for the god awful ordeal that is jodhpurs. Communal jodhpurs worn by hundreds of other children in the same prediciment as me. An awful shade of dirty camel (little did I know then that I would be working it again in AW 2010) made of a thick ribbed synthetic that looked like they would start a small fire if you ran fast enough. The had that horrid unwashed damp smell that whenever I smell that today I think of them. Camel, tight and ribbed garmets are not especially flattering even on the most litheof limb never mind an 8 year old who was already wearing age 13-14 clothing. Those bad boys were tight. Let me tell you. So tight in fact, they ripped a great massive hole down them during the gymkhana (not quite, but I like to make it sound more glamourous so stay with me). Ground. Swallow. Me. Up. Please. I have never ridden horseback again.
That incident had been pushed to the back of my memory, along with the patterned legging and sweater combos and the trauma of being cast as a cow in the school nativity play 1995. So imagine my disdain when jodhpurs started popping up in the lookbooks for A/W 10. At Dior they paraded suede ones down the runway tucked into riding boots and Paul Smith showcased a black pair. But no matter how many times I see them, albeit nicer ones not always made of that thick rib, I cannot erase the memory of the dreaded jodphur incident of '96. Don't get me wrong, I am all for equestrian style. I am even after a pair of these gorgeous brown leather riding boots which I envisage myself wearing with black jeans and that sold out last year Zara cape coat that I am currently occupied in a bidding war to get via ebay. However I can say this for sure, jodhpurs are one trend I will definately not be working this season or any other season to come. Because not only for the fact I despise them, I would probably end up looking like the right hand picture in them (Hello! camel toe, how ironic given then the nature of the trouser...)
ps. If you are after them, H&M are selling a camel coloured pair for £9.99 which I discovered much to my horror on the back of my Sunday Times Stlyle magazine. Oh no they have even started evading the high street...

Oh Neigh (had to get one in somewhere)

Oh Yay!